Picking Up the Pieces After a Betrayal, by Annie Lane – haroonabadvital.com
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 14 years. He is nine years younger than me, and when we married, we each brought three children into our blended family. For the past two years, I have been my mother’s primary caregiver after she had a stroke. Even before that, I spent a significant amount of my time caring for my elderly parents.
My husband always had his own hobbies and was busy with work. He has always said that he understands and supports me in devoting so much time to my parents, especially since our youngest child is almost 17 now. I thought we had an understanding and that we were on solid ground.
But recently he told me something that completely destroyed me: He said he never loved me. Hearing those words broke me.
Furthermore, I discovered that he was calling another woman several times a day, sitting with her at ball games and spending time with her in very intimate ways. When I confronted him, he denied that was the reason he wanted a divorce and claimed he had done nothing wrong. He also refuses to work on our marriage and doesn’t seem interested in having a conversation about it.
I’m tired of the lies and betrayal, but at the same time I still love him. I don’t know how to reconcile these feelings or what to do next. How can I move on from this? Do I continue to fight for our marriage, even though he has left? Or is it time to give up on it, even though I don’t feel ready to give up on it?
I feel lost and confused. Any advice or insight would be deeply appreciated. – Lost and confused
Dear Lost and Confused: This is a very difficult situation, and I am so sorry that your husband has put you through this. Of course you feel hurt and betrayed. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you are a wonderful daughter and wife, and that you don’t deserve this kind of treatment at all.
However, it is clear that your husband has made his decision. If he is not willing to work on the marriage, even though it is painful, you may need to divorce him and focus on yourself. Remember, the best way to move forward is to live well.
Take care of yourself – physically, emotionally and mentally. Surround yourself with friends and family who love and support you, and give yourself time and space to heal. It will hurt now, but in the long run, you will likely find peace and happiness outside of a relationship with someone who has shown themselves to be selfish and uncaring.
You are stronger than you know, and brighter days lie ahead.
“How can I forgive my cheating partner?” OUT NOW! Annie Lane’s second anthology—which includes favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation—is available as both paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].
Image source: CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash
